Expectant Hope

“Your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish” – Matt 18:14b

Jacob (our adopted son who has been diagnosed with R.A.D.) has been out of our home for more than 60 days now and with the exception of the very first week he has not asked to call us.  The word we have gotten is that he has continued his behaviors and they are escalating.   Grandfather Home is in the process of classifying him “therapeutic,” which will open the doors for what Jacob needs – intensive therapy.  Even though I didn’t expect it, I was hoping that he would ask to call us or at least to call Kaleigh (his biological sister) showing us that he is not completely void of attachment, but as of today he has not. 

I can tell you how this feels, disheartening.  When you invest in someone as much as we have Jacob, there is expectant hope that what you have done has made an impact.  Expectant hope is that hope that resides deep within your heart and is always waiting, wanting, and searching for a relationship, but never demanding or forcing one.  It is the hope that flows out of love for someone.  Love, of course, does not have expectations, but love hopes and reaches its highest potential when it is realized and returned. 

There is a part of me that wonders if disheartened is how Jesus felt as the rich young ruler walked away, the Pharisees refused to see, the people shouted Barabbas, and the disciples misunderstood who He was.  God’s love of course is not completed by us accepting it, nor is it less powerful when we refuse it.  God’s love is complete and whole and powerful even when we reject it.   I do feel God is disheartened when we reject His love.  I do feel God, despite being all knowing, has expectant hope for us (Matthew 18:11-14).   

At this time, what is best for Jacob is for us to wait and be passive in the relationship.  God however is never passive, but always calling to us, shouting and whispering our names in love.   God is constantly and unconditionally, through the grace of Jesus, pursuing us with a love relationship.    It blows my mind to think that despite all the shame and guilt I carry with my sin and the unworthiness I feel, God still loves me and is hoping I answer his call.  God sent His Son to take care of our sin, shame, and guilt, and Jesus did on the cross.  God loves you and is calling you and hopefully expecting you to answer.

Grandfather Home Visitors

The Blog titles referred to in the Grandfather Home E-newsletter are – Waves, When Love Isn’t Enough I and II, Adoption, and Spiritual R.A.D.; can be accessed through the catogory link “Adoption Reflections” on the left sidebar. I hope they bless you and let you know you aren’t alone.
In Jesus,
Rob

Christmas Everyday!!!

First of all I want to give credit where credit is due – this idea came from Jerry a friend and church member.   He was leading a Bible Study and began by asking, “How much time we had created last month for shopping, Christmas parties, and Christmas festivities.”  The answer, “a lot!”  In our so called busy schedules we found time, no we made time to take part in the holiday frivolities.    Not just some time, but a lot of time.  Then he told a story about a Christmas present. 

Jerry’s son, Nick has been married for a little over six months.  Jerry thinking he was going to get to sleep in on Christmas morning was woken up by his 25ish year old son early.  Nick was excited about a gift he had bought his new bride and could not wait any longer for her to open it.   The present was a digital camera.  Nick new everything about this camera and had gone to great lengths to research and purchase this camera.  Jerry described the scene with joy and then flipped it around on us asking, asking us about the gift of Christ and our drive to present others with the gift of Christ.  The silence that followed witnessed to the clarity of the illustrations. 

We can and will make time for the things we want to do.  We can create time out of thin air during the Holidays.  Where is this creative spirit the rest of the year when God asks us to teach Sunday school, go to a Bible study, or participate in a ministry?  Time is the great equalizer; everybody has the same amount – 24 hours a day or 1440 minutes a day or 86,400 seconds a day.  That does not change during the holiday season and there is no time altering continuum that mystically appears.     In fact, as a minister the Christmas season is extremely busy for me, but I create time to do the things I want.   That time creating spirit matched with priorities and loyalties can really result in Kingdom impact if we would practice it all year long. 

It was the gift illustration that hit home.  We call it evangelism, but really it is participating with God as he offers His gift of Jesus.  I’m right there with Nick getting up early to see the joy on my family’s faces as they open their gifts.   How much more joy is there in our Father’s offering of Jesus?   Luke 15:7 – I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.  We are invited to participate in that joy!  It could be Christmas morning every day if we get up anticipating and participating with our Father as He offers His gift of salvation – Jesus.

People Pleasing = Sin

Galatian 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Have you ever thought about people pleasing as a sin, as the sin of idolatry?  It is just that.  When we worry about what others will think or what others will say we are sinning.  When we are more concerned about what the people around us will think that what God thinks we have created an idol of the people.  As a pastor I have to constantly remind myself that my life is about pleasing God not the church.   If we try to please the people around us we will fail. 

Our failure in people pleasing is due to two things.  The first and foremost is that we were not created to please people.  We were created to Love God with all our heart, mind, and strength and to love our neighbor as our self.   Second, peoples’ expectations are always more than we can achieve.   The people in our lives that put unwarranted expectations on us are black holes sucking up everything in their path.     Yes there are expectations in this life, but that is why Paul also wrote in Ephesians 6:7 “Serve your masters with all your heart. Work as if you were not serving people but the Lord.”   God’s expectations are the only expectations that count.   

I have counseled many people who have situations with spouses, children, in-laws, etc.  They come burdened with advice and expectations from “mean well” friends.   My counsel to them is first what does God have to say about it and second I tell them their friends don’t have to live with the decisions. 

Let me get personal for a moment to show this works out.   Jacob left our home right before Thanksgiving and Fran and I broke the news to the church in a tag-team sermon.  We had prayed and discerned from God that this was His way and His timing.   There were people who felt it should have been done a different way.   There are people who think I am abandoning my son.  There are people whose perception is far from reality and they are judging.  The people pleaser in me wants to take that as a burden and carry it around in doubt, anxiety, and even anger.  The God pleaser in me releases that and trusts God. 

Personally I like the idea of release instead of burden for the simple reason I am (we are) created to please God who is holy and loving.  So what are you doing with the expectations on you?  Are you pleasing God or the people around you?

Project Intentional Generosity: FAILED

Over the Christmas Season I tried to practice what I called “intentional generosity.” It was about going through my daily life ready to give to whatever God prompted me. First it was putting whatever was in my pocket in the Salvation Army bucket every time I went in Walmart. At one time it was $50. Then it was about giving to St. Judes or whatever other charity I ran into over the Christmas season. Then it was about giving at the church to some things we had going. However, I believe the whole practice was a failure. Not so much in the generosity, but in the intentional.
I visited my normal Christmas stomping grounds; Walmart, Bestbuy, REI, And Dicks Sporting Goods. I kept my normal Christmas habits that drove me to busyness. I spent a great deal of time on Christmas sermon and worship prep. In the midst of all that I lost the “intentional” part of “intentional generosity.” I went around like ministry was just supposed to appear in my path – POOF!
Intentional is about an investment of time and energy to stray off the path to purposefully seek. Let’s face it other than a few “homeless” people with their “NEED HELP” signs I don’t run into on a daily basis – ministry. I have to invest time and energy to find it. Even if I keep my eyes open looking for ministry, I’m not likely to find in my normal daily routine. Why? – It’s MY normal daily routine, designed by my agenda. The “Intentional” part is about getting off my agenda and getting on God’s. So what does this “intentional generosity” look like? Take a look at the story from my friend Denise’s Christmas Eve.
“My Best Christmas Yet”

On Christmas Eve, unlike many people, I have nothing to do until late afternoon, so I decided that I and my girls would find someone to bless. We made a list of shut-ins to visit and headed out on our journey. On the way I stopped by McDonalds and bought 4 gift cards. The girls asked what we would do with them, but I made them wait for my response. We then headed to the dollar store and bought some kleenex, candies and breath mints. I had them make some goodie bags with the gift cards and several items that we had purchased. We tied them up just like gifts. I rode toward Englewood where I had seen a man walking several times the week before. The man was an older looking black gentleman, wearing a heavy coat and carrying yard rakes. I assumed that he was looking for work to earn money. I began to tell the girls about this man and as I drove slowly through the streets of Englewood they looked down each street to see if we could find him. We rode, and we rode, but did not see him anywhere. In my heart I was praying, “God, please let me find this man, this would really make my Christmas.” After we had been riding around for a while, I finally told the girls, “Well, I’ll just keep these bags in the car and the next time I see him I’ll give him one. It doesn’t really have to be today I don’t guess.” As I had given up, I turned left to head back toward Sunset Avenue and lo and behold – THERE HE WAS!, walking down the left hand side of the road. I was so excited!!! I pulled over and rolled my window down. Before I even reached for one of the gift bags, I smiled at him and said, “Merry Christmas”. His face lit up as he responded, “God bless you.” When I reached my hand out of the car window with the gift bag he just smiled from ear to ear and kept repeating, “God bless you. God bless you…..” As I drove away I looked in my rear view mirror and the man was waving like crazy and smiling at us as we drove away. All three of us waved back at him. This was probably the best Christmas Eve I have ever experienced! My Christmas was now complete.

Waves

When I was a teenage boy, my dad told me surfing wasn’t really for skinny 6’2” guys. He was right. I never really excelled at it, but loved it none the less. The adrenaline rush of riding the power of the wave was enough to keep me in the water so much that my upper body was bronzed tanned and my legs were white as Christmas. There is a moment in surfing where the struggle of your paddling and kicking connects with the power of the wave, and every surfer knows it’s time to jump to your feet. That moment where struggle meets power is mystical and I believe some would say spiritual.

I have often heard people say, “I felt your prayers.” Until yesterday I didn’t quite know what that was about. The drive to Raleigh from our house is about an hour. It seemed like an eternity yesterday when I drove our adopted son to the place in Raleigh he was to be taken into therapeutic foster care. He sat in the backseat stoically looking out the window which is his norm. I drove struggling with my emotions. Thank goodness it was a slow time on HWY 64.

The waves of emotion were crashing down on me and I was fighting back tears, anger, and remorse then in a flash – peace. With each emotional wave the struggle connected with peace and as time went by I learned to lean into the peace almost effortlessly. It was like being aware of that spiritual moment when God was meeting me in my struggle; like riding a wave – I felt the prayers.
More than feeling the prayers, I experienced and leaned into God’s presence. God is there when the waves of crisis come crashing down. God is there when life gives us more than we think we can handle. God is there when overwhelmed is the dominant emotion. God is there! Thank you for praying for my family and me.

When Love Isn’t Enough – II

Today is the day.  Our adopted son is leaving.  He is excited with anticipation hoping the therapeutic family has a four-wheeler and a dirt bike.  He is ecstatic to be leaving the authority of our home and going to place where they don’t know him (or so he thinks).   He is happy.  I wonder if that is how the prodigal son felt as he packed up his inheritance and left the father. 

I am guilt ridden that our family isn’t enough, that our love isn’t enough.  I am joyful that the process of healing can start for our son and our family.  It feels like the ultimate of failures and the beginning of a miracle.  It feels like God is absent.  It feels like God is present in deep intimacy sustaining us.  I want to cry out – “My God, My God why have you forsaken me!”  In the same breath I say, “Into your hands, Father, I trust my son, my family, and my life.”   Let the redemption begin! 

I think of God in this moment.   I know God’s heart is even more broken than mine.    Is He proud of me or do I need the conviction of His Spirit?   Is this really His plan?   It goes against every ounce of my being to give up a family member saying I am not enough.   I have never been enough and perhaps that’s where God wants me.  I think back on life and the faith stories in the Bible; it is in these times when I am not enough that God confirms to me that He is more than enough.    Jesus’ death on the cross and His resurrection are enough to redeem my son, my family, and me.  

Therefore, I commit this chapter to God’s hands in great hope and expectation.   I will be still and know that He is God.  I will surrender to God’s authority and control.   Today is the day that the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it!   When love isn’t enough, God is.